There is no other word for it.  I am completely floored.

Yesterday morning, I stumbled upon an article about "Pay a Blogger Day" this coming Tuesday.  The article talked about how, as a modern society, we become addicted to people's blogs and never really think about the fact that their writers are just giving them to us.  For free (mostly).  I myself have a friend whose blog I am ADDICTED to, and earlier this year, she created a shop where you could buy HER things from a cup of coffee, a ball of yarn, a roll of film... all the way up to a month's rent.  I thought it was adorable and immediately   sent her a small amount of money through this shop - no more than I could afford, but just a small thank you for how much her words and pictures contribute to my daily life.  A few days later, I was AMAZED to see that readers were giving her a hard time for doing this - some being downright NASTY about it.  I could not believe it.  This incredibly talented and GIVING woman was being harassed simply for giving her followers the opportunity to CHOOSE to give something back (or NOT) if so they desired.  Unbelievable.

So imagine, then, my reservations when I came across that article yesterday.  Would people be mean to me if I put up a donation button on this blog?  Could I deal with that on top of everything else right now?

I'm no Blanche DuBois.  I have never really relied on the kindness of strangers (or anyone else, really).  I've spent my life trying to give.  To help.  To love and support.  To just "be there" whenever and however I could.  For anyone.  It was a pretty tough decision to put out there the whole "Hey.  Aside from all the work I'm missing through all of this, I also have to come up with a MASSIVE deductible both this year AND next to get through these treatments.  If you were looking for a way to help, here's a possibility..." thing.  But I did it.  Because in the end, I figured it couldn't hurt, right?

Immediately, I was stunned.  My dad shared the link on Facebook and Linked In, and 24 hours later I was sitting back at my computer in tears reading messages from people I know and people I've never met and watching my Paypal balance inching higher than I would have ever imagined with each message.  In a DAY!

You are all amazing.  I am truly grateful, humbled, and amazed.

Also yesterday, my dad and I drove out to Sheffield Lake, which is where I lived beside him on the lake when I first moved back to Ohio nearly a decade ago.  We went to visit our old neighbor Monica who, when she heard about my diagnosis and the fact that we have been walking by the lake as a means of therapy, offered her back yard to me at any time.  And yesterday seemed like the perfect day with the clear skies and 60+ degrees at the end of a Cleveland November.

Monica has two children battling various cancers and yet, here she was, caring about ME.  She said something that I will never forget.  I am paraphrasing, but it was something like this:  "There is something about cancer patients.  I don't want to say it's spiritual, but it's something like that.  Cancer patients... they just 'get it'.  And as the parent of a cancer patient, you start to 'get it', too."  She also said that you wonder if they will go back to being the same people they were BEFORE the cancer once they are cured, but they never do.  Whatever it is stays with them.

It really hit home.  I DO feel changed.  I feel like, in the midst of all this poo, I have become 100% of the person I always felt I was only part of.  That might sound a little goofy, but I don't know how else to put it.

We spent a good hour, after that, sitting my the water in Monica's back yard.  I put my hands in the cold water.  It was perfect.

I have so many people to be thankful for.  Every day.  Every day, I am amazed.

Love love, Phoebe

PS - There are 3 other new links on the sidebar, aside from the donation button, if you want to get help AND get something fun for yourself in the process...  they're links to my etsy shop, my blurb book shop, and my imagekind print store.  Every penny I make from anything I sell on any of these sites it going directly toward the $20,000 out of pocket expenses I'm going to have over the next few months.  Every little thing you buy for yourself or as a gift, will be a gift to Ryan and me as well.


we should do something with the band to raise funds too! and don't forget you can try to sell that wonderful book you made for me and keep the money! I will help promote that any way I can!!!!
jim nelson said…
You are truly amazing...love you....dad
jim nelson said…
You're not goofy. Your my little girl! F'ing amazed everyday by you!.........j
I hope it's ok that I shagged the link, and shared it as well through my FB page?

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