A Whole New Me

Earlier this week, I FINALLY received my disability check from the insurance company.  After countless forms, faxes, phone calls (and grumbling under my breath) they agreed that this was NOT a preexisting condition and paid up.  It wasn't much, as I didn't sign up for much when we were given the opportunity at work, but it was enough that I felt comfortable taking a little chunk of it for ME and going shopping yesterday.

Daily 1-2 pound fluctuations aside, I have (so far) lost just under 30 pounds since my diagnosis in November.  And the really awesome part of this is that more of it was lost AFTER I finished treatment than during.  Because we really have made the commitment to change our lives and be healthier, eat healthier, live healthier.

When I received the cancer news, I had been a size 16 for about a year.  Prior to that (save for about a year where I was managing a furniture warehouse and got all skinny from pushing sofas and armoires out of semi-trucks every morning) I had been in a size 14 for over a decade.  I am now a size 12.  I've gone from an XXL to just a plain old Large (though depending on the style, I can actually now rock a Medium or even a SMALL in some things).

It feels AMAZING.  Shopping yesterday with my friend, Mallorie, I feel like I actually LIKED 95% of the things I tried on - compared to the 5% of things I'd try on and buy just because they "fit ok" this past year, this is totally awesome.  I actually bought short, stretchy (HUGGING-the-curves-stretchy) skirts and I don't look like a lumpy sausage in them!  I bought shoes with HEELS.  I got measured for a bra and went from barely squeezing into a 38C (but doing so because finding a 40C is next to impossible without spending too much dough) to fitting perfectly into a 36C!

For the first time since I can remember, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm actually HAPPY.  It sucks that I had to get sick to get to this point, but I am so happy to be here now that I guess the truth is I really don't care HOW I got here.

Anyhow.  Last night when I got home with all of my packages, I went through my closet before I would put anything new away.  I tried on every single piece of clothing in there.  And I made a pile of the too big, purposely dumpy clothes that are no longer welcome in my new life.  It looks like a mountain in the hallway and it felt SO GOOD to do!

I am going to organize a clothing and jewelry swap party with some girlfriends this summer.  Maybe someone will find something they can use in this pile.  I hope so...

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have some size 12 jeans to put on and some livin' to do!

Xxo, Phoebe


M said…
I'm so happy for you! You needed new clothes to fit the new you. I never want to hear, "I love this dumpy dress" again because the new you looks awesome in her size 12 jeans!
phoebe marie said…
Dude! ALL my dumpy dresses went in the purge pile!!! Hell yeah!
Michelle Auer said…
Congrats! I am very familiar with this feeling. After I finally got out of my marriage I dropped 60 lbs and went from a 16 to a 9/10. That clothing purge was the best thing ever!! And shopping, and liking almost everything. Ah yes! I feel you girl and am SO happy for you! Of course, now that I'm pregnant, I know I'm gonna have to do all of that hard work again in 6 months, but it is OK, I'm happy with the reason for the weight gain this time! ;-)
jim nelson said…

Love the old you and the new you.....tat dad

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