Earlier this week, I FINALLY received my disability check from the insurance company. After countless forms, faxes, phone calls (and grumbling under my breath) they agreed that this was NOT a preexisting condition and paid up. It wasn't much, as I didn't sign up for much when we were given the opportunity at work, but it was enough that I felt comfortable taking a little chunk of it for ME and going shopping yesterday.
Daily 1-2 pound fluctuations aside, I have (so far) lost just under 30 pounds since my diagnosis in November. And the really awesome part of this is that more of it was lost AFTER I finished treatment than during. Because we really have made the commitment to change our lives and be healthier, eat healthier, live healthier.
When I received the cancer news, I had been a size 16 for about a year. Prior to that (save for about a year where I was managing a furniture warehouse and got all skinny from pushing sofas and armoires out of semi-trucks every morning) I had been in a size 14 for over a decade. I am now a size 12. I've gone from an XXL to just a plain old Large (though depending on the style, I can actually now rock a Medium or even a SMALL in some things).
It feels AMAZING. Shopping yesterday with my friend, Mallorie, I feel like I actually LIKED 95% of the things I tried on - compared to the 5% of things I'd try on and buy just because they "fit ok" this past year, this is totally awesome. I actually bought short, stretchy (HUGGING-the-curves-stretchy) skirts and I don't look like a lumpy sausage in them! I bought shoes with HEELS. I got measured for a bra and went from barely squeezing into a 38C (but doing so because finding a 40C is next to impossible without spending too much dough) to fitting perfectly into a 36C!
For the first time since I can remember, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm actually HAPPY. It sucks that I had to get sick to get to this point, but I am so happy to be here now that I guess the truth is I really don't care HOW I got here.
Anyhow. Last night when I got home with all of my packages, I went through my closet before I would put anything new away. I tried on every single piece of clothing in there. And I made a pile of the too big, purposely dumpy clothes that are no longer welcome in my new life. It looks like a mountain in the hallway and it felt SO GOOD to do!
I am going to organize a clothing and jewelry swap party with some girlfriends this summer. Maybe someone will find something they can use in this pile. I hope so...
Now, if you'll excuse me... I have some size 12 jeans to put on and some livin' to do!