It's Been a Minute Since I've Been Humiliated Online

That being the case, I figured this morning I would bring you all back into my humiliating world of post-treatment side effects.

Today's installment of self-inflicted humiliation will revolve around the dreaded vaginal dilator.


Seriously, I know I will hate it less if I use it more, but GAWD!  It is just terrible.  It hurts.  It makes me cramp.  It makes me bleed.  And the really sad part is... it's pretty small.  Like, its diameter is considerably LESS than the average wiener, and definitely less than that of the one I'm spending the rest of my life with.  Ahem...

Every doctor appointment, they tell me "If you're having regular sex (at least 3 times a week), you won't NEED to use the dilator."  Excuse me, but I have not had sex three times in the past YEAR, people!  I was bleeding like a stuck pig for 11 months and then going through horrific cancer treatments for 3 months and the remaining side effects definitely do NOT make a girl feel amorous - at least not in any way that involves pants-off activities.  We've literally attempted it the one time, and it was so painful, I think we were both traumatized by it.  So "regular" sex is definitely NOT happening.

Which brings me back to this dilator.  My only hope for a regular sex life making any sort of possible future return, not to mention making my every-three-months exams less painful (or even POSSIBLE).  

Several people have mentioned that maybe if I replaced my very CLINICAL implement with, say, something of the either more "lifelike" or "battery operated" varieties, I might actually enjoy the process.  But here's the deal with that... I am supposed to do this EVERY DAY!  And maybe it's the menopause, but I have very little interest in jacking myself off every damned day.  And no matter how pleasurable things might get, keep in mind that this still HURTS.  All the lube in the world does not make that go away.  And while I know it's some people's thing, pain and pleasure do not mix well for me.

So, here we are.  And there you go.  A little dose of humiliation for old time's sake.

Love love, Phoebe

PS - More Italy pictures WILL be coming soon.  I've just been busy...


I'm blushing. At my desk. At work.
I'm sorry to hear about this. I don't know the details on how you are supposed to use this devise, traditionally or in a more clinical nature, but do you think that a numbing gell would help? Obviously numbing the area wouldn't get you the same "big O" results but maybe help with the pain until your body starts getting used to it. Obviously I'm not a Dr and have no idea what you are going through, but I hope you can find a resolution, even if it's just for the sake of making your exams easier.

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