Random Things

Random Thing #1: We made our first batch of kombucha.  I bought some canning jars to store it in and had a cup last night and another with breakfast today.  I was a little nervous last night.  My first sip was kinda puke-y tasting, but I think the notes I was tasting were less "vomit" and more "new and unlike anything familiar".  I am pretty psyched about it, actually, and am looking forward to keeping the brewing going.  With it taking 10 days or so per batch, though, I think I may start doing two at once, a little staggered, so we don't run out in between.  

Random Thing #2: I've been strangely "sad" the past few days.  (Maybe the idea to try to ween myself down on the zoloft was a bad one?)  I came to a weird realization on Saturday... ever since I have begun to feel better, I HATE being home.  Home now feels like "the place that I was trapped when I was too sick to go out anywhere."  On weekends, especially, if I have no specific plans, I have been making up reasons to be out and gone as much as possible.  "Oh, I just need to run to the grocery store that is 35 minutes away... what?"  It's become hard to be here in my own house.  That sucks.  If I spend any time here, it is either in the new tv room, because that is different now than it was when I was ill.  (Hmm... maybe I need to rearrange the bedroom or something?)  I feel desperate to "do" things, but I think because I have never been much of a joiner before, people don't invite me to do things.  I feel sad reading my friends' facebook updates about what they are doing and wishing I was there doing things, too.  It makes me feel even more isolated and alone in my illness, even though I'm not sick anymore.  The isolated feeling comes from the fact that none of my close friends can TRULY understand how alone this has made me feel.  No one knows how hard it STILL is.  And I have no words to explain it.  Except "lonely."  Extremely.  Fucking.  Lonely.

Random Thing #3: Talking to my beautiful mum on Mother's Day yesterday, she brought up a comment my dear Gale Freeman left on my blog in January.  Something about not changing everything in my life to try to be healthy, but to listen to my body.  And it just made me want to reassure everyone that I am, really more than ever before in my entire life, listening to my body.  I do worry a little bit about going over the edge with my writing into the health-centric, food-nazi-esque direction that Kris Carr went.  Not that I don't adore her, but my interest in what she's had to say has waned considerably because I will never believe that veganism is in any way healthy - but especially not for me.  (I know too many vegans whose skin is an unholy shade of gray-green... that CAN'T be healthy!!)  I want to share my experiences with this new healthy diet and lifestyle, but I don't want this blog to turn into nothing BUT that.  Yes, I get that it IS a natural progression.  One is unhealthy.  One gets sick.  One battles and BEATS illness.  One chooses to get healthy so as to not get sick again.  It makes sense.  But I just don't want to seem like I am going off some health-nut deep end.  And I was sort of afraid that that might be what my mum was implying, bringing up the aforementioned blog comment about not changing everything and listening to your body.  So I just want to share with everyone that I AM listening.  And for the VERY FIRST TIME in my life, what I am hearing back when I listen is, "Thank you.  I feel GOOD finally."  I am eating healthy things that have been recommended to me, not by some hippie with bells tied to the fringe of her peasant skirt, but by a woman with a doctorate who knows my medical history and is genuinely excited to help us be healthy.  She is not telling us to drink raw milk if it ISN'T the right thing for us to be doing.  AND I trust her.  And I believe that we will continue to feel better because of her recommendations.  I already do.  So nobody worry, ok?  We're not doing anything without being fully informed on it and no one is more focused on us being as "well" as possible as we are! 

I feel like when I started this, I had other random things I wanted to talk about, but I have forgotten them already.  Maybe there will just have to be a "Random Things, Part Two" post later on...

Thanks for sticking with me.

Xxo, Phoebe

PS - Please feel free to ask me questions about stuff.  I would love to share whatever I can with anyone reading this.