Oh, my aching... areas.

With 20 radiation treatments down and 5 to go, I am really trying to stay upbeat and positive.  I mean - I'm almost there.  A week from today will be my first day of being DONE with part one of this treatment.  That's pretty awesome.  But it's hard, at certain moments, to stay positive.  I can't help thinking how much easier this would be if I'd managed to get cancer in a less humiliating area...
Somehow, when the doctor told me that the side effects of this radiation would be mostly localized, the fact that everything "down there" would be in misery didn't really penetrate.  Somehow, it never occurred to me that I would have to take a shower after pooping, because the simple act of wiping my poor, fried butt would just be too painful to bear.  Or that just walking down the stairs would bring a tear to my eye because my "legpits" would be filled with blisters.  Or that I would be in possession of so many ointments and salves and goos to smear on various parts of my undercarriage.  It's humiliating and horrid and it REALLY makes me appreciate how friggin' awesome the human body is when everything is working properly.  I have apparently been taking that shit (no pun intended) for granted for years.
It's difficult.  It's painful.  It's embarrassing.  And it's more than half over.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.

Comments

jim nelson said…
You're like The Little Engine That Could....I think I can...I think I can. I think I can! Baby, you're almost at the top of the hill. I know you can do it. Hang in there sweetheart!....love love love you...dad
Mum said…
You ARE doing it ... !!! You are amazing.
Mallorie said…
Insert photo of a cat hanging in a tree. I would put a cheerleading outfit on and do some cancer cheers if it would help. But you don't need it because you are a fighter and cancer should be scared of you! You have been so amazing through all of this. Stronger than I would ever be. I'm always cheering for you, everyday. Soon this will be all over and you will be stronger than ever! xoxoxo
Mallorie said…
Oh, and I bet you could really use a bidet about now! ;)
erin said…
YOU GO GIRL
love you
call me if you need anything, even some creams :)
you are RADIANT!!!! I'm glad I could see you for a bit yesterday!!!
ultraDawn said…
yes, you can do this, YOU ARE DOING IT! i have no doubt! and if ever you do, i will remind you, as will every other love in your life, all of us. that is our promise and i do not feel too bold in speaking for everyone.
Anonymous said…
AND all I have to deal with is a broken elbow - 'nuf of my pity party. You give all of us strength and are helping those you don't even know get through our troubles. You are one awesome woman, wife, daughter, sister, and friend to many. Wanda Wyland

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