I Have Never Been So TIRED!

Good grief, Charlie Brown!  I am friggin' EXHAUSTED!  Through this whole process, I have definitely felt more fatigued, more worn down, whatever.  But yesterday - it REALLY hit me.  I woke up at 7am, after a good night's sleep, and I felt pretty decent.  Jumped in the shower.  Cleaned myself up a bit.  Came back upstairs.  Started checking in on the world via my computer... and then BLAM!  I was exhausted.  I'd been awake for approximately 45 minutes, and I could not function.  I had to take an almost 2 hour snooze before I could get it together to go in to work!!
Once I got there, I had the worst time focusing.  The minute anyone in the room was talking, my brain seemed to short-circuit.  I spent 4 hours, mostly sitting down, trying to get all of the paperwork from the past week-plus back in order.  I didn't even do any real framing, and I was ready to fall asleep.
Somehow, I made it across town to radiation, and then I dragged my sleepy butt home and took up residence on the sofa.  Where I slept from around 4pm til Ryan got home at around 10pm, waking up briefly to force myself to eat some dinner.  By 11, I was upstairs in bed and there I stayed until 8 this morning.  I don't even want to do the math to figure how how much I slept yesterday - I know it's a ton.
It's just so shocking to me.  I think on some level I truly believed I was going to be able to just breeze through this whole thing and remain mostly unphased.  Guess I'm not quite as tough as I thought I was.
But that is not defeat you hear in my voice.  Just acceptance.  These treatments make me tired.  Nauseated.  Loopy.  And I am completely ok with all of that.  Because these treatments are also kicking the shit out of this stupid cancer.  And if they have to beat me up in the process to better get the job done, then I surrender!

Hell, just writing this right now has made me feel like I need a rest.  But I wanted to make sure I was keeping everyone up to date and explaining why it had been a few days since I wrote anything, why I haven't answered the phone, why I seemed to have vanished.  I was just sleeping.  That's all.

I also wanted to say thanks again for all of your support.  Thank you for following along on this journey.  Thank you for sharing the link and getting this out there.  Thank you for your donations, your etsy and imagekind purchases!  Thank you.  I will never be able to express my gratitude and my love to all who have been so supportive through this.  You are ALL amazing!!!

Love love, Phoebe

Comments

Gale said…
Hey Phoebe, it's Gale the person you've never met, but who knows your parents.

Radiation therapy produces tissue damage. the resulting random proteins and other by-products of tissue destruction sap your energy and make you feel like crap. It's not you being weak, it's as you wrote: the treatments doing what they do.

Hang in there, girl. You have many people who read your blog and support you.

Gale

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