Reiki, Truth, and a Lifetime

**This post was transferred from the now defunct "The Long Ease" blog.**

The Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber is not the only place I have been getting my healing lately.  Actually, several months ago, I began getting reiki every week or two.

For those of you who may not be familiar, reiki is essentially a sort of spiritual healing touch kind of a thing that originated in Japan less than a hundred years ago.  (You can click the link, there, if you want a more detailed description than that.)

When I was at the lowest point of dealing with my radiation disease situation, I ran into a friend who is a Reiki Master.  She felt compelled to offer me these healing sessions as an additional way to help me cope with what I had been going through.  I'd had some previous experiences with reiki through The Gathering Place (the local center here that offers free support groups, workshops, massage and reiki, etc for people touched by cancer).  Some were fantastic.  Some were ho-hum.  (I do believe that, while supposedly anyone can learn to perform reiki, there are some people who just have that gift naturally.  It's the same way that someone like Ryan, who is just naturally a mechanic and understands how things work will always be more skilled at that craft than someone who had to learn it form a book or a class.)

Anyhow, I have been seeing my friend Pam for reiki.  That's where I spent this morning.  Today she told me that she did not want to ask how I was doing beforehand - that she wanted to wait until after.  Seemed reasonable.

As I lay on the table, I feel her move about the room.  Sometimes her hands are on me, other times I cannot tell if she is right next to me or several feet away.  I see things in my mind's eye.  Colors.  Symbols.  Light.  I was hoping today, that when she laid her hands over my bladder, that she might be able to feel something - to feel how it is doing in there.  Since my "wounds" are internal, the progress of the HBOT is so unknown.  I hoped, in some woo-woo way, that she would be able to tell me if it felt better over there than it has.  The moment she put her hands there, over my bladder, I immediately felt that yes.  Things were good.

When she is done, each time, she explains to me what she felt, what things may mean, and what, perhaps, I should be doing.  Today's message was very simple.

"Stop listening to logic, and listen to what is true."

It took me a little while of chatting with her to process what this meant.  And what I believe it means is that I am doing the absolute right things.  I am believing in my treatments and in my health.

And that truth?  That truth is that I AM feeling better.  That some incredible things have been happening since the HBOT began.  I'm sleeping through the night.  I am feeling much more alive and awake and just "good" during the days.  Everyone I see tells me I look great.  I FEEL like I look great.  I have less frequent pain.  And less frequent bathroom trips.  And the reason I have not accepted this truth is that my stupid logical mind is afraid.  Thoughts like "But last time..." and "What if it's..."  or worst of all "Maybe I've just gotten so used to the pain that I notice it less now."  But the truth?  The truth that is right there with me 24/7... is that, god damn it - I AM FEELING BETTER.  And I am getting myself back.

It's true and I believe it.  And I have to believe it NOW.  Because now?  Now is all we have.  This moment.  The past doesn't matter.  The future is uncertain.  It's all about now.

When my cousin passed away a couple weeks ago, I was able to find comfort through this thought: "Hers was a life that lasted 47 years."  It was her whole life.  She lived her whole life.  And it was a life that lasted 47 years.  Robin Williams' life lasted 63 years.  I was telling a dear friend this the other day and he said, it's like Neil Gaiman was able to magically sum up in one perfect sentence:

"You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime."

How true.  How simple and perfect that is.  My lifetime could last another 60+ years.  Or it could end tomorrow.  But it will be MY lifetime.  And I want to spend this lifetime living with the truth.  And the truth is - I am feeling better.  I should not be afraid to say that.  I want to enjoy as much of my lifetime as I can.  That's easier to do if I stay focused on things that are true, if I live in the moment, and I am mindful of all that I have that is so very good.

Love to you all.  See you tomorrow, after HBOT #15...

Xxo, Phoebe Marie


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