Keep talking to be okay.
After posting about my struggles with my health and my concerns about what to do and where to turn when I feel lost or scared, I received such an incredible outpouring of love, understanding, empathy, kindness (and even a little pointed silliness intended to make me laugh... thanks, Lacey). The responses I got made a few things abundantly clear. First and foremost, that I am NOT alone. That despite feeling like my problems are too complex, interwoven and bizarro, people with health issues nothing like my own feel the same. Second, that I am loved and supported by SO MANY amazing people. People I've met during all the different stages of my life and who are still, thanks to the positive parts of social media and social networking, a part of my life today. And third, that maybe I shouldn't have stopped writing. That maybe I still need it. That it helps me. Helps me sort out the craziness bouncing around inside my brain. While having a conversation with one friend this morning about it all, I said something like "I keep learning that I have to keep talking to be okay." What I meant was that at some point, I stopped blogging because it felt like a chore. And then I stopped paying much attention to Facebook, or posting anything of meaning or value there because so much of what I saw was upsetting or annoying or just stuff I didn't care about. And then I stopped talking with friends, family, and even my own husband about the issues I was having because I felt like a broken record, or like I was just unnecessarily worrying people. But then, when I felt like I was falling apart yesterday, I actually did talk to my husband. And it made me feel better. And then I sat down at the keyboard again, found that my blog was still here waiting for me (and even had jazzy new themes available), and I talked. I talked and talked and talked. And then as comments, texts and calls rolled in, I kept ON talking. And it made me feel OK. Not "fixed" but better than before. Which is what I needed. So, I guess I'm going to keep talking. To be okay.