Today's the Day
I just have to complete my usual morning routine, head to work for a few hours, and then bounce out early to head down to the Young Adult Cancer Retreat.
I've been filled with anxiety over this since I signed up. I even had a dream about it - and the dream was not good. The idea of shuffling off to spend a weekend with a bunch of strangers is pretty freakin' scary to me, I'm not gonna lie.
Yesterday when I got home from work, our neighbor and good friend, Joe, was standing in his driveway. He asked me if I was going to see a band I really like tonight and I explained that, no, I would be at this retreat. Much like Ryan, his response was, "Why?!" He went on to ask if I felt like it was something I needed to do, and the truth is, I really don't know. I have had nothing but negative experiences when I've tried to connect with other cancer survivors (except for my spotty online connection with Emily of http://killingitblog.com/) The Stupid Cancer (.org) event I tried to go to in Akron was a disorganized waste. The Survivorship Class at the Clinic was not geared even remotely toward someone like me. And the one other person my age-ish with my same cancer that I met turned out to be a negative, self-righteous jesus freak - and even if she wasn't that particular breed of nightmare, she was still not someone I would have wanted to know otherwise. Not someone I would ever have been friends with without the common thread of cancer.
I guess the answer to Joe's question is that I really just long to meet one person... just ONE person who has been through what I went through and to whom I could relate even if they hadn't. Does that make sense?
I have no idea what this weekend will be like. But hopefully, even if it does not end up providing me with a "cancer friend," it will at least be a nice little getaway. I've never been a nature girl. If fact, I once told Ryan's dad that I am "more of an indoor person." But I am strangely excited about this trip and the hiking and all of that. Yes, I said hiking. I even packed my oxblood 10-holes special for the occasion (those are Doc Martens for the non-punk-rock crowd out there). Totally appropriate hiking footwear.
Anyhow. Wish me luck. I gotta go finish packing and head out. I doubt I will post anything from there, but if I do - it will likely be on Instagram. Feel free to follow me on there. I'm @itsphoebemarie