Sometimes I Have No Idea What To Say.

By phoebe marie -
Like yesterday, for example.  When my mum emailed to tell me that my (knitting) dad had an unexpected procedure done...

I think I've mentioned before that knitting dad is a cancer survivor himself.  6 years ago, he beat bladder cancer.  But way before that... back when I was still in college, he had skin cancer in his lower lip.  I never told them at the time, but I was so terrified about whether he'd be ok, I dropped out of school for a semester.  I just could not cope with all of my feelings surrounding my dad's mortality.  It scared the crap out of me.

Fast forward to yesterday - over a decade later.  While my dad was here taking care of MY cancery ass, he "burned his lip."  Or so he believed.  Or wanted to believe.  But I guess when the spot from this didn't go away, even now that they've been back home for a couple weeks, it was time to hit the doctor's office.  In the email I got from him, he just said that the doc "took one look at it and began the procedure."  Ugh.  Now, I guess the hope is that what the doctor did yesterday is all that is needed.  (Praying this is true.)  Last time, he had to have something done called Mohs Procedure.  Feel free to read about that little nightmare at the link.  Or not.  Suffice it to say that I remember the day with painful clarity (though not nearly as painful as HE must, I am sure...) and I was mortified.  He was in so much pain and I felt so helpless.  Seeing your parent in pain SUCKS!

All I could think to say was to be positive.  I know that trying to stay positive, for me, was part of my cure.  It wasn't always easy - especially during the worst days of the radiation burns... But I never lost faith in the fact that I was going to be ok.  And I hope he won't, either.  Everyone here's love and support help me immeasurably, too... so if you have any words of support for my (knitting) dad... feel free to leave a comment.

I know he'll be ok, though.  Cancer just doesn't stand a chance with us.  Stupid cancer.

Love love,  Phoebe

PS - Check out the shirt I found and treated myself to when I got my first back-to-work paycheck.  It was just too good to resist:


Comments

Mum said…
We're a team ... a team of positive spirits and love, and we have way too many plans for the future to let this Stupid Cancer stuff get in our way! Phoebe, you said the perfect words, as always. Thank you for your support! You make such a difference for so many people. It's a joy to be on this journey of life with both of you. I love you Gary and Phoebe!
Mum of Phoebe / Wife of Knitting Dad
January 31, 2012 at 9:48 PM
jim nelson said…
Knitting Dad....yore in my prayers, and what goes around comes around. The love and support you have given Phoebe, not just recently but in her lifetime, will come back to you tenfold! I love you and know that you, too,will beat this fucking cancer!...tatdad
February 1, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Gary/Dad said…
Well said Phoebe, Nan and Jim. Today I am very positive about the lip outcome. Thanks for your love and support. You truly are making a difference for me right now!
February 1, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Jennie said…
I'm keeping knitting Dad in my thoughts. I'll knit a couple more rows on my daughter's baby blanket (she's six, so I'm a bit behind.....)and put a prayer for you in every one. Phoebe, I label you indomitable. Impossible to subdue. Keep up the incredible self-care. Much love!
February 1, 2012 at 10:04 AM
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